Sunday, June 30, 2013

Plateau, I Do Not Like You

Dearest Plateau you are not welcome here.......

I've hit a plateau.  I'm either staying the same weight every week when I weigh or its one pound.  Now don't get me wrong, I love seeing the minus one and not the plus one every week.  I just wish some weeks it was more.  

In the beginning everyone would ask me what my goal weight is.  I would respond with I have no clue. I would say that because it was true. I hadn't been past a certain point in 15 years so I didn't know where I ultimately wanted to be.  Now that I am down 159 (yep! You read that right:) I have a better idea of where I want my final number to be. I have 98 ponds to go and I can't wait! I've decided it was time to look into plastic surgery for skin removal so that's my next project. Wish me luck with that on picking the best doctor for me :)

I've had about 3 things happen to me in my weightless journey in the past few weeks.  I am going to Phoenix to the 1st ever Origami Owl convention and needed a dress for a gala.  So I've been stalking web pages for weeks. Pinning different things.  My mind being in the mind frame from the past that I'm going to have to specialty order a dress. One of the things on my weight loss bucket list is to go to a "normal" store and purchase something. Now really it's go to a "normal" store and purchase something not in the plus size section, but I'll take this first and then officially mark it off my list in the future.  I went to Dillard's and went to the appropriate section for me. I started looking and started finding so many dresses in my size. Not only formals, but just regular dresses that I could wear if I were to get invited to dinner or something (wishful thinking lol). I take them to the dressing room and start trying them on.  Now correct me if I'm wrong, but don't formals usually run smaller? Almost everyone I put on was a little big.  The one I decided on was a little big but I was just going to settle on it. I mean, go down a size? That's just crazy talk right? After texting a picture to my panel of judges they all said that I need to see if there is a smaller size and try it on to see which one looked better.  I decide they are right and walk out to search for a smaller size, thinking everyone is crazy. I find the smaller size and go back to the fitting room. Put the dress on fits like a glove! I was so excited and couldn't stop smiling as I checked it out in the mirror. I took a picture and everyone agreed it look better than the one before. After it being decided that this was the dress for me I made my way to the clerk to purchase it.  I texted my sister and McCarley (who were on the same text), that I think I'm fixing to hyperventilate in the middle of Dillard's because I was buying a size I hadn't seen since probably my sophomore/junior year of high school. After purchasing the dress I could not get the giddiness out of my system.  Then the next two only happened last night.  We were swimming/cooking out for Robbie's husbands birthday at her parents pool that also includes a slide.  I made the comment I really wanted to go down the slide, then immediately started worrying. What's the weight limit? Will my butt be to big and me get stuck? How embarrassing would that be? After contemplating going down the slide with all these fears I decided to just do it.  I made my way up the stairs. About half way up I see the weight limit sign. What?!?! I'm 30 lbs under the weight limit? That never happens! I get to the top and sit down. Feels good, not small compared to my butt. I push myself to go and go flying down the slide with ease! It was so much fun! I didn't even feel like there was a chance of me getting stuck! I went down that thing so many times! I even went down on my stomach! After accomplishing my fear of the slide I decided to accomplish another one.  When we were growing up we lived at the pool. We were there so much I joke around with a friend who was a lifeguard there that she was our instant babysitter. I learned to dive at that pool and I learned to back dive at that pool. Back diving was my favorite. I decided to just get on the diving board and if I didn't go straight and caused a tidal wave whatever, at least I tried. I'm standing on the edge of the diving board and there I go....I did it! That was so much fun I had to it again over and over! I felt so accomplished! Needless to say its been a GREAT couple of weeks for the self esteem!

I understand that some of the things I write about are probably not the most attractive with possible relationships but its part of who I am. Everyone brings baggage to the relationship and mine just happens to be this. He will either accept it or not because as sad as it is its a part of who I was making me who I am today.