Monday, August 19, 2013

What has happened?

I have been a blogging fool lately!  I mean normally I'm just a fool....

Just kidding about being a fool part.  Well kinda ;)  I have been blogging a lot because I've joined a few blogs that do linked blogging.  That's where they give us a topic to write about and we do, then link it to their blog in hopes of gaining more readers.  It's also to share with one another but for the more readers part too.  But this blog entry has to do with me and what's on my mind.

I'm not sure why but lately when I come across a picture from the past I lose my breath.  I have never been one to hate a picture of myself.  Until lately that is.  Again with the whole denial not denial issue, I honestly just don't think I ever realized how big I was.  I know that I have wrote about this before (and pretty recently) but I just can't help it.  I am in shock I think.

I was going through pictures on my personal Facebook, looking for a picture for an upcoming Show Us Your Life, and came across one that a friend had taken at a direct sales show at her house.  I had forgotten all about it.  I clicked on it and I honestly gasped.  Is that weird?  To know that I 'm looking at myself.  There is nothing weird going on in the picture and I gasped at my own picture.  I feel ashamed that I did that.  I feel ashamed because I do not ever (and will not EVER) be one to turn my nose down to bigger people.  I was there.  From 1989 (that's the year I feel like I ballooned) until Oct. 3rd, 2012, I was there.  I want to help people that are still there.  That don't have the oppritunity that I had to gain such an amazing tool.  I know it can be done!  I want to be the one that will go work out with them and not judge them.  Because I was there!  I was the one that could barely make it around the track twice.  I was the one that would have never tried yoga because getting on the ground was difficult because my knee's hurt to put that much weight on them and then there was the fiasco of getting up.   I want to be the positivity that they need when they can't give it to themselves.  There were many times that I needed that.  And I have friends that would be positive and help me, but unless you've been there....you have absolutely no idea how that life is.  I want to always remember how hard it was and not take for granted how easier it is now.  Knowing that it was extremely hard and now it's easier helps push me to do more things.  Take advantage of the gift I've been given of living and taking advantage of new opportunity's.  For instance, I want to go on a zip line course.  I would have never been able to do that before.  I want to tackle the ferris wheel at the Texas state fair.  I rode it once before and it was horrible.  I believe that I was so scared, not so much for the height but because I feared I was to heavy for it and was making the bucket lean.  There was a wire gate/fence sort of thing that was blocking us and I would not have gone flying out but I felt like I could just because we were leaning and it was leaning only on my side.

I just know I want to be the person to help push them, guide them, and help them reach their goals because like I've said before, it is so much better on this side of the spectrum.  I can't even describe how happy I am...

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